Advice

I received an email from a young woman who says that she has a friend who she believes is struggling with an eating disorder. She asked for my advice.
I actually get this quite often. It is always an honor to be thought of and I hope that I can be helpful.
Here are my thoughts on the matter....

1. Talk to the person's family or other loved ones. An eating disorder is not an easy thing to fight, and others should be involved. The best things my friends did for me was to threaten that they would tell my parents about my eating disorder unless I did.
If this person is close with their family, I'd discuss it in an open and honest way. No one wants to hear that their loved one has a serious disease, but in my experience it is better to get everyone on the same page...

2. Do not make the mistake of thinking an eating disorder is about weight or food. Eating disorders are usually deeply rooted in some sort of traumatic experience or a need for control.

3. Express love and concern but try to not say things like, "You're so skinny," or, "You look sickly" because that can actually sound like compliments to someone with an eating disorder. Just saying things like, "I've noticed you seem down lately... are you okay? Can I help you? I'm here for you. Lets talk"

4. Get a doctor involved. Even if a person doesn't look sick, they can still have done serious damage to their body. When I went to an eating disorder specialist I found out that my heart had damange, I was protein deficient, had orthostatic hypotension, hypoglycemia, and damage to my digestive system. (ALL HEALED THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!) 


5. Get a therapist involved. I've never heard of anyone getting better without the help of a therapist.

6. Get a nutritionist involved... one with experience with eating disorders. 

My friends, bless them, were clueless of how to help me... however, just by letting me know that they loved me/were here for me/wanted me to get help... gave me strength.

It is important to remember that it can take a long time for someone to admit that they have a problem. It can be really frightening to have your secret discovered and see all your "perfection" in jepordy.

Again- expressing love is the most important thing.
Remember, you can't fix someone, you can only encourage them to get help!!

I am always happy to talk or answer questions, for a loved one, or the person with the eating disorder!