Treatment

I was in treatment for a year. I was blessed to be able to stay until I was absolutely ready to go home. I really credit my success in recovery to the fact that I was able to get so much support for such a long time.

Today means a lot to me. I am so proud of myself for staying in recovery. The success rates are pretty low for people with anorexia and bulimia. It breaks my heart to see so many friends from treatment not doing well. Recovery is really really hard work. It gets easier with time, but the truth is- I still make the choice to stay in recovery. It comes much more naturally than it used to... But there are still times when I have to actively decide to stay in recovery, like when I eat dessert on a day that I can't find boots that fit my legs. :)

When I stepped into my treatment center, Puente de Vida (bridge of life)... I thought I would be there for a month. I really thought that it wouldn't be hard to stop my behaviors. Stopping my behaviors was incredibly difficult, but it was stopping my thoughts that seemed impossible.

I stopped throwing up and restricting food long before I was able to retrain my brain to think healthy thoughts.

You can not have any eating disordered behaviors and still have an eating disorder. I was sick in my heart, body, and mind. My heart physically healed within months. My body physically healed within months. However, it took my mind a lot longer to give up my obsessive thoughts.

I was eating, but I was still mentally calculating the calories in everything. I wasn't throwing up, but I was still looking in the mirror and seeing an obese person looking back.

I strongly believe in DBT and CBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). They taught me to be mindful of my thoughts and keep my negative thoughts away.
My favorite technique is thought stopping which is, consciously thinking STOP and pushing disordered or negative thoughts away. I use this all the time.
When I think, "Oh man, this cake probably has enough calories to sustain me all day..." STOP.
"None of these boots fit me because my legs are so fat." STOP.
"That girl is so skinny and pretty." STOP.
"I'm so stressed out. I don't feel like eating." STOP.
"I hate what I see in the mirror." STOP.

I also like to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones.
This cake is delicious and one piece will not change me.
These boots are unrealistic. Lots of people have this problem.
Comparing is unhealthy and I'm gorgeous too!
I need to take a break and mindfully enjoy my food.
I love myself!

Treatment gave me skills that I will probably use for the rest of my life.
It also gave me some wonderful life long friends.
For all of you who I met on my journey to recovery- THANK YOU!!