Tough times

When everything is going well and you have that general sense of well being... it can be a lot easier to be "in recovery."
But when the damn bursts and everything goes to hell and you're left feeling helpless, sad, angry, lonely, or scared.... those are the times when your disorder will shout out


"COME TO ME. I WILL SAVE YOU!"

My disorder offers to make all my problems go away. It offers to give me a peace and comfort that nothing else can bring. It can distract me from any pain or anxiety I feel. As long as I am in control of my eating and my body.... I am powerful.

The times that I am feeling all of those negative feelings, those are the times that I hear my disorder the loudest. And those are the times that it is so important to cling on to recovery, rather than let my eating disorder grab me again.

In treatment we talked about our recovery piggy bank. Every day that we didn't use our eating disorder was a new deposit in the bank.

I always liked the idea of placing a new shiny recovery coin in my piggy bank, and feeling as the bank got heavier and heavier. You can never take money out of the bank, it just grows and grows. And in the tough times, the times when a boyfriend breaks up with you, or your parents are going through a divorce, or you have a miscarriage... those days deserve more coins in the piggy bank.

Being in recovery is tough, but being in recovery when things are going poorly... that's a battle. But for everytime that you get through something without using your eating disorder, you are training your brain, and you're proving to yourself that RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE. 

It is important to recognize when these tough times are, and prepare yourself. Remind yourself that recovery is number one and that whatever difficult thing you're going through will only be made worse by using your eating disorder.

Above else, in the tough times remember